Would You Kindly Go To Hell
by Used Happiness Salesman
Summary: After being robbed, Jack returns to rapture to get some money, but gets more than he bargained for...
1. A Unfortunate Suprise

OH HAI! This my second fic, set 3 months after the events of Bioshock 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Bioshock and its characters

Would You Kindly Go To Hell

3 months. It had been 3 months since Jack had taken the little sisters to the surface and vowed not to go back. But here he was. Back the halls of rapture. All for one simple reason. Jack needed money. He had everything he had ever owned while he was in Rapture, for he had fallen victim to a common threat that everybody ignores.

"God damn burglars..." he muttered as he smashed a splicers skull with his wrench. Jack had dropped off the little sisters to a orphanage, and went home to the house he thought he had been living in for years, but had really only been living in it for 2 years, since was technically 4 years old. He had unlocked the door, only to find that his house had been stripped bare of any furniture, or anything valuable. A month and a half travelling back to his house, with 10 screaming children, only to find he had no money. So he had spent another month and a half travelling back to the one place he knew he could get money that was just lying around. Jack bent down ruffled through the dead splicer's pockets. His hand emerged clutching a wallet, filled with bank notes.

"Jackpot" he said to himself, grinning, as he stuffed the wallet into his back pocket. He was just about to leave when he heard a voice behind him.

"Well, well, well, look who came back to rapture"

Jack spun round a saw a face he never thought he would see again

"RYAN"!? Jack yelled. Andrew Ryan looked just like he had when he had beaten he to death with his own golf club.

"Hello, Jack" he said in his sinister voice. "You're coming with me"

"Hell no" Jack said

"You can't leave"

"Watch me" Jack spun round and saw something he would of seen If he hadn't been so focused on Ryan.

A splicer.

Before Jack could react, the splicer hit Jack on the head with a wrench. Jack said one thing before he was knocked into unconscious.

"Fuck"


	2. Sweet, Sweet Revenge

OH HAI AGAIN! Jack adventure continues!

Chapter 2

Jack woke up. He was sitting on a chair, which he was tied to, next to 2 splicers. A of a sudden, he remembered what had happened only a hour earlier.

"Ryan"!

He realised he was in Andrew Ryan's office, were he had killed Ryan the first time. And the man himself was sitting behind a desk in front of him.

"RYAN! How are you alive! I distinctively remember shoving a putter through your head! Tell me"! Jack bellowed, straining against his bindings. Ryan looked at him and said "Guess"

Jack thought about it for a moment, and then the answer hit him like a ton of bricks.

"...fucking vita chambers..."

"Oh yes Jack"! Ryan bellowed. "Yes indeed! The very things that made the game so much easier for you have sealed your fate! You see Jack; you may have noticed that after I was revived, I went COMPLETELY AND UTERLY INSANE"! He cackled.

"Weren't you already insane"? Jack replied

Ryan picked up a pencil pot from his desk and threw it at him. "Shut up! I'm making a dramatic speech"! He cried. He got up from his chair and walked around the desk to stand in front of Jack. "You see, I have a bone to pick with you. You killed me"! He shouted pointing a accusing finger at Jack.

"You made me do it" Jack said

"I SAID SHUT UP"! Ryan bellowed, picking up a stack of papers from his table and throwing them at him. Jack realised that Ryan had indeed gone completely insane.

"And now..." Ryan said." I can finally have sweet revenge"

Jack gulped. "Alright" He said. "Kill me the, but please make it quick"

"OH NO Jack" Ryan said, grinning. "I intend to do something much worse to you"...

And with that, Ryan pulled a syringe from his pocket and shoved it in Jack's arm. Jack flinched as the liquid inside it was pumped into his body. Then Ryan withdrew the syringe and replaced it in his pocket. Jack feared the worst. And then...

...

...

... Nothing happened. Jack realised he had been holding his breath, and let out a gasp of air. Then he realised that the splicers were undoing his bindings. Jack stood up and one of the splicers's handed him a knife. What's going on? He thought. Then he saw Ryan standing at the end of the room. "Come on Jack" he said. "Kill me"

Jack hesitated. He knew it was a trap... but he couldn't resist the satisfaction of ripping the bastard's throat. Jack charged at him. He was almost upon him when Ryan said "Would you kindly kneel"?

Jack suddenly realised what was in the syringe before he even hit the floor and kneeled before Ryan.

"THAT'S RIGHT JACK"! Ryan shouted. "YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE CURED!?...well you were but NOT ANY MORE!! YOU'RE GOING TO BE MT SLAVE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE"!

As Ryan laughed manically at him, Jack realised that Ryan was right. This was indeed a fate worse than death.


	3. The Flight Of The Flying Fish

OH HAI YET AGAIN! You've probably realised that saying OH HAI is my trade mark. So here's the next chapter!

Chapter 3

It had been 2 days since Ryan had given the mind control plasmid back to Jack. He had then decided that he was going to make Jack do pointless task for the rest of his life. Jack's first day as Ryan's slave had consisted of trying to play a song with a apple, and hunting imaginary bats. Jack had been shouting as much swear words at Ryan as he could as he did this, and had also been desperately trying to resist Ryan's control. But unfortunately his body wasn't listening to him. No matter how much Jack didn't want to, he did whatever Ryan said. Jack was going insane. And it had only been 2 days. This was the third day, which had started with Jack being made to catch some flying fish. He had questioned how he was supposed to do this but realised he was already walking out of an airlock with a diving helmet and oxygen tank. He came back later, having actually caught a flying fish, and handed it over to Ryan. He looked at it like you might imagine a child would look at a new toy.

"WELL"?! Jack yelled at Ryan, knowing Ryan wasn't going to be pleased with the fish, and make Jack punish himself in some way. But instead he did something different.

"Go on little fish! FLY AWAY!" he cried and hurled it across the room. The fish sailed through the air hit the wall at the back of the room and fell on the floor.

Silence...

Ryan looked at Jack. "That's not a flying fish. It didn't fly".

"It was DEAD" Jack growled.

"I don't care. Fetch me another".

Then Jack's final cord snapped.

"THAT'S IT"?! Jack screamed. " I JUST SPENT 1 HOUR LOOKING FOR A FLYING FISH WHILE FIGHTING OFF SHARKS WITH A RUSTY HARPOON, AND YOU WANT ME TO GET YOU ANOTHER ONE !?"

Ryan thought about his answer for a second.

"Yes" he said. Jack screamed.

"If you're just going to make me do stupid things all day, why don't you just kill me instead"? he cried.

Ryan paused for a second. The he gave him his answer.

"Ok"

Then the insane man pulled a gun from his pocket and shot Jack right between the eyes. Jack made a gurgling sound and fell to the ground, dead. Ryan leaped into the air, jumped over his desk a danced next Jack's dead body. "VICTORY!" he shouted. "I WIN JACK! I WIN JACK AND **YOU** LOSE! HAHA!"

Then something hit Ryan in the back of the head and he fell to the ground unconscious...

**So is Jack really dead? How is Ryan's mysterious attacker? Did the flying fish survive its fatal fall? TUNE IN NEXT TIME!**


	4. The Big Finale

**OH HAI! This is the final chapter for this story. It's my second one so I it's not amazing, but its been great to write. So on with the show!**

The Big Finale

Ryan opened his eyes. His head throbbed from where he had been hit. He groaned as he took in his surroundings. He was lying on the floor in the same place he had fallen.

"I was wondering when you would wake up" said a voice

Ryan looked up and saw something that made him turn cold. He saw...

"JACK!" he screamed. It was indeed Jack. Minus the hole in his head of course.

"Jack...I-I killed you! How are you alive!?" he cried. Jack sighed."What the do you think?" he said

Ryan knew the answer.

"...fucking vita-chambers..."

"Damn right" Jack said. "You forgot about the vita chambers when you shot me, didn't you?"

"...yeah" Ryan mumbled. But then he remembered. What was he doing just lying here? Take action! He thought

He sat up and said "Would you kindly knee-cap yourself!"

Jack didn't move.

"I SAID..." Ryan growled, "WOULD YOU KINDLY knee cap yourself!"

Jack grinned and said "While you were out I had a look through your desk. It's a good think you kept an antidote for the mind control plasmid in there".

Ryan went pale."Oh yeah" Jack said, raising a finger into the air. "It's also good you kept another needle full of the mind control plasmid as well" He pulled a devilish grin.

Ryan realised what Jack had done and tried to run.

"Would you kindly stop and kneel?" Jack said

Ryan fell to the floor and kneeled. "Oh no" he said. He listened as Jack walked up to him. It sounded like he was pulling something along with him on wheels. "Would you kindly put your head on the floor" he said. Ryan placed the side of his head on the floor. He saw Jack. He had a case of golf clubs with him.

"I had a look in your cupboard" Jack said. "You really like golf don't you?"

Ryan was silent. He knew what was coming. Jack started picking up the golf clubs and examining them.

"Last time I used a putter" he said putting the club he was currently holding back in the case. "I think I'll use a driver this time". He pulled a shiny looking driver out of the bag and looked at it, smiling.

"This will do" he said. He walked up to Ryan and got into a golfing position next to his head. He did some mock practice swings first. But then he raised up the golf club. Ryan looked up terrified. And then he remembered.

"I'll just come back using a vita chamber!" he said, smiling triumphantly.

"Fraid not" Jack said. "I went to the options menu and turned them off"

"WHAT!?" Ryan screamed

A evil grin spread across Jack's face "Fore!" he shouted.

"WAIT!" Ryan cried. "I WANT TO **LIVE! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!**"

Jack considered his plea for mercy, then lowered his club and pulled Ryan up off the floor.

"You know what" he said. "Give me 200,000 dollars and I'll let you live"

Five minutes later, Ryan had emptied out his vault, hidden under his desk, and Jack was 200,000 thousand dollars richer

"A pleasure doing business with you Ryan" he said shaking Ryan's hand.

"Anything you want" Ryan said withdrawing his hand. "A submarine is waiting for you in the next room".

"Great. I'll be going then" Jack turned round to leave the room. Then he stopped.

"Is something wrong?" Ryan said, almost exploding with joy that he wasn't going to die.

"I almost forgot" he said, turning to face Ryan. Then he pulled a gun from his belt and pushed it into Ryan's hand.

"Would you kindly go to hell" Jack said.

Automatically, Ryan put the gun to his head and fired. He only got say one thing before he sprayed his brains against the wall.

"**FUCK**"

**THANKS FOR READING! REVIEW PLZ!**


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